Being a mom is a lot more demanding. I am completely responsible for this little man. The minute someone talks about going somewhere I think about his needs first. How much food do i need? Is the temperature okay? What time do we leave so he naps in the car. Being a nanny I didn't worry about that stuff. As they say with more responsibility comes the bigger reward. I would give everything I have for the smiles I get from my little guy.
With all that being said my little guy turns two months this Saturday and for the first time since giving birth I had a breakdown.. I've only left him for two hours once. Other than that it's been small little I run out the door and back within thirty minutes. And I only leave if he's sleeping. So hence my breakdown. I felt not myself , like I needed alone time. Which is crazy but that's what I needed. A mini break.. And it made me feel like an awful mommy. Because there is no one I love more than him but I needed a break? Now I didn't tell my boyfriend or my mom bc if I did they would have sent me out the door and told me to get better And it doesn't make you a bad mom.. Instead I hid it and just became grumpy. Not mad at Larkin at all, in fact he was the only one I wasn't mad at. I know all this is crazy but it's what I felt.
I didn't get that break yet but I'm sure I will but just talking about it makes me feel so much better. Trusting in my soulmate that he will let me have that break and give me a chance to breathe.. I guess the point of all this rambles is : you deserve a break. No one is super mom . I hate that expression and I'll never use it again.. I'm the best mom to Larkin. That's what I am. And that's all he needs, doesn't need no super mom.
Thanks for listening here's the little man today :)
Xoxo - chels
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