Mommy brain

As I'm sitting here trying to think of what to write about I can't focus on more than one thing. I was already a 20 something year old with mild ADD. Now that I'm a mommy I can't focus. Having a nine month old is a lot to handle. He's everywhere. All day he is running around. Most days he doesn't stop. He hates being contained and sitting still. He's always on the go. He finds running from me exciting and he can't wait to explore new places. & I love that about him. It's the best and worst part of having this little guy. I love chasing him all day and I love seeing him develop and grow. 

I think being a new mom is just such a life adjustment. Finding myself these past nine months has been extremely difficult. I love being Larkin's mom. But who am I when he's asleep or away from me? I am for sure not who I was before Larkin was born. Being a stay at home mom is such a rewarding thing but it's also ... I can't quit find the word. It's like a silent reward. I don't get graded everyday on my performance . My son doesn't tell me "you get a raise today" . It's hard to define yourself . I mean you have doctors appointments and they say "great job" but you see then for five minutes. I think that every women's adjustment to her new life is allowed to take as long as she needs. Mine has probably taken longer than most. I don't really blame it on anything. I think I can attribute it to sleeping woes, family issues, and depression. 

Today I feel closer to finding myself. I think that I found out who I am through Larkin. I'm a strong woman who just loves taking care of people. I always thought I had to be the worker. Maybe it's because that's what I saw growing up. Honestly I love cooking, organizing, grocery shopping, teaching, planning, and just being the dependable homemaker . Many people may look down on that but it's okay. I love who I am becoming. I may have been on a bumpy road to get here but life is typically not smooth. 

xoxo - Chelsie 

Ps. Here's a cute picture of Larkin.